I think that this was it, I’m done. Nothing else can possibly be pushed and shoved back so deep, buried somewhere anymore. It’s over, I’m full capacity, I’m scared, I’m alone, I have no one. The funny thing is I’m beginning to accept that I’m alone, but at this moment being alone is only making things worse. Why do you care, when do you start to care, Where do you go, and what do you say when you’re already dead? I’ve been sitting here knowing I’ve been dead, but because you’re dead everything is just blown off. No one knows exactly what I’ve been through, and I wish I didn’t open my mouth and confide in someone with a little bit of the reason why. 1 was enough, yet alone 2. I opened my mouth to someone that doesn’t even love me, that chooses everything else over me. Someone who says “I didn’t do anything wrong” and that’s exactly it, you didn’t do ANYTHING. But yet I still sit here scared of what I might do, it’s in my palm, should I get it over with? What would my mom do without me ? This isn’t the first time I tried. Only so much can help, I’ve had help since I was 9, where the fuck do I go from here? Oh and by the way if you’ve seen the movie “silver lining” that is what my parents seem to see me as. A crazy, bi polar, angry, depressed fuck. I laugh because I know it’s true. Glad no one reads these things because I’d be fucking done for.