I think that this was it, I’m done. Nothing else can possibly be pushed and shoved back so deep, buried somewhere anymore. It’s over, I’m full capacity, I’m scared, I’m alone, I have no one. The funny thing is I’m beginning to accept that I’m alone, but at this moment being alone is only making things worse. Why do you care, when do you start to care, Where do you go, and what do you say when you’re already dead? I’ve been sitting here knowing I’ve been dead, but because you’re dead everything is just blown off. No one knows exactly what I’ve been through, and I wish I didn’t open my mouth and confide in someone with a little bit of the reason why. 1 was enough, yet alone 2. I opened my mouth to someone that doesn’t even love me, that chooses everything else over me. Someone who says “I didn’t do anything wrong” and that’s exactly it, you didn’t do ANYTHING. But yet I still sit here scared of what I might do, it’s in my palm, should I get it over with? What would my mom do without me ? This isn’t the first time I tried. Only so much can help, I’ve had help since I was 9, where the fuck do I go from here? Oh and by the way if you’ve seen the movie “silver lining” that is what my parents seem to see me as. A crazy, bi polar, angry, depressed fuck. I laugh because I know it’s true. Glad no one reads these things because I’d be fucking done for.
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We tend to think animals are lower than us, but all the scientists in the world couldn’t design and operate a bumblebee’s wing. We can’t jump or run very fast, and we can’t carry vast weights like an ant can. We can’t see in the dark and we can’t fly except crammed in a noisy tube like sardines, which doesn’t count. Humans compared to animals are almost totally deaf, and we can’t smell a fart in an elevator by their standards. We are finite and separate, and neurotic, while the consciousness of an animal is at peace and eternal. We strive and go crazy to become more important. Animals rest and sleep and enjoy the company of each other. We think we have evolved upwards from animals but we have lost almost all of their qualities and abilities. The idea that animals don’t have consciousness or that they don’t have a soul is rather crass. It shows a lack of consciousness. They talk, they have families, they feel things, they act individually or together to solve problems, they often care of their young as a tribal unit. They play, they travel, and medicate themselves when they get sick. They cry when others in the herd die, they know about us humans. Of course they have a soul, a very pristine one. We humans are only now attempting with the recent rise in consciousness to achieve the soul that animals have naturally.
